


Dark Musings

by blackcrystaly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Back when they were at Hogwarts, I played with the timeline to fit my evil plans..., M/M, Young Lucius - Freeform, young Severus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 05:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackcrystaly/pseuds/blackcrystaly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus reflects over his life, his past and his relatioship with Lucius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Musings

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place long before the books, when my favourite Potion Master was a teenager.

I am a Slytherin... that means I can't be trusted or be a hero; I always must have a hidden agenda... a _dark_ purpose.  
But, right now that's true, so, I can't really complain, can I?  
  
For me it began that horrid night when Dumbledore chose to defend Lupin and forfeit my life: I would become a Death Eater... the best one. I was going to personally make sure that they all suffered.  
  
When Malfoy finally come to me, all sin and temptation, he didn't have to do much convincing: just a soft kiss and a promise.  
"I'll take care of you."  
I looked at him intensely, studying him...  
" _Promise me_."  
"I, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, solemnly promise to you, Severus Snape, that I'll always take care of you no matter what."   
"Then I, Severus Snape, promise you, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, that in my fifth year I'll become a Death Eater."  
"That certainly makes me happy, but, it's not the promise I wanted you to make." He made a sexy smirk.  
"Really?" Now I was confused but didn't allow it to be shown in my face.  
"Yes. I want your promise that you'll be faithful to me and if the time comes you will not leave me behind."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I know who you are, Severus. I know what's in you nature." Lucius said matter of factly.  
I never had told anyone that secret, he shouldn't know it, but it was obvious that he did.  
"You got your promise." Serious and final.  
"No, I didn't. You promised something I didn't ask you to."  
Lucius had always been a smart bastard.  
"Alright, I just hope that you know what you are asking for... I, Severus Snape, solemnly promise to you, Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, that I will be faithful to you and if the time comes I will not leave you behind""  
"Then it's settled."  
"It is."  
The blonde took me by my waist and kiss me, softly, sweetly.  
  
You know... after that night I just knew that my life would never be the same; in part because Lucius is a pureblood and a vow is taken terribly serious: if they break it... well consequences are not pleasant. No matter what the stupid Headmaster says; wizard's descendants _are_ different.   
The blonde beauty made sure that I was fine by being my friend first and my lover not much later, knitting a safe web around me, but never letting me feel constricted. He was there if I so much as looked at him in a certain way. However he never took things out of my hands even when it was obvious that they were going bad for me.  
Every passing day he became more and more present but never invasive.  
I had my encounters with Black now and then and my fights with Potter-every time they wanted someone to pick on. The only thing he did was wait for me in the common room to take me to his bedroom and tend both my physical and mental injuries.  
  
  
When my fifth year finally came I was ready. I had thought about it from many angles, and had formed a plan. Of course I couldn't tell it to the Slytherin heir just yet, after all, I promised faithfulness, not sharing my ambitions with him. Even if at the time, they were limited to making sure no other member of my house would ever be treated the way I was and that Gryffindors and muggle lovers were banished from the wizarding world.  
  
  
Lucius come to my room the night of Halloween, which was highly dramatic, but at that time... it was how it was.  
He was clothed all in black except for the white mask in his hand.  
"Are you ready for this?" He asked a little worried.  
Sweet of him.   
He has always been like that with me, making me feel like I was something valuable to him, like he really cared.  
When I assented he presented me with a soft overcoat which would protect me from the cold outside and, if I wasn't mistaken, would keep me from certain types of harm, while telling the world that I was his.  
"I brought this for you." Proudly.  
"Thank you, it's beautiful."  
"Only the best for my lover."  
I smiled at him, content.   
He just adores being the protector... and I have no objections, even to this day.  
  
We walked silently through some barely lit corridors that led us outside the castle.   
I was sure that if we had left right in front of the staff they wouldn't have noticed or cared at all, but I refrained from bringing the subject up because there would be no way to stop Lucius from telling me that no one would miss a Malfoy departing.    
Fifteen minutes later I could felt the hard winter wind blowing in my face, but I couldn't appreciate it fully because the prefect took me by my waist and apparated us both near the place where the marking would take place.  
You know the feeling, right? One second here, the next there. No thinking, no feeling... I hate apparating... except, of course, for practical purposes.  
The man, not quite letting me go, resumed the way, setting a fast pace.  
"He has been waiting to meet you, Severus." He wasn't just trying to make conversation.  
Of course he was. I trusted my lover to make sure of that.   
"You have been talking about me to him?" Not worried, not happy...   
"Of course I did." Matter of factly and proudly.   
My one and only beautiful royal snake.  
"What have you said to him?" A little bit of curiosity in my voice.  
"That you are the best will be potion master I have ever seen, for starters. That you hate Gryffindor with all your Slytherin heart. That you have created all sorts of interesting charms and are a natural Occlumens so you will be very useful as a spy. And that you love dark magic as much as him and me." He was smiling while he chanted all his praise of me and it was not a soft expression, it was his cruel, vicious, smile, the one I loved the most...  
Eventually he stopped and looked at me, intensely.  
We kissed, hard and passionate.   
A little while after we were in front of a huge house.  
"We have arrived." His voice a little darker.  
  
  
The man was waiting for us inside the central hall of the enormous mansion; he sat in a black throne looking directly at the door, all the other Death Eaters stood forming two lines at his sides.  
I entered the place walking straight to him, and I was surprised at how the Lord looked he was tall, well built, and exuding dark magic, but his face had a soft expression and his eyes seemed to say "welcome".  
He stood up and came to me with open arms.   
Later, I would learn, it meant that I had been accepted in the inner circle. I was the youngest ever.  
"Welcome home, my child. We will be a true family to you."  
I smiled, feeling accepted for the very first time in my life.  
"Thank you, Lord."   
" _You know what it means to be one of ours?_ "  
" _Yes_."  
Lucius had made sure to explain the ritual to me. And I was making sure of not letting the black haired look too deep into my mind which of course amazed and pissed him off to no end.  
" _You came here to make this world a better place for wizards?_ "  
" _Yes_ "  
" _You came here without ambition of material gains in your heart?_ "  
" _Yes_."  
" _You came here knowing that you may die?_ "  
" _Yes_."  
" _You will be faithful to us all?_ "  
" _Yes_." At least for the moment.  
" _Then join us, Severus..._ "  
And they all embraced me, like a brother who came home after a long time abroad. I must confess I really don't like to feel so constricted but it was tradition and I had to accept it.   
Later that same night I would take the Mark, but for now it was time for some small talk.  
  
The Slytherin Blond Prince stood there next to me, smiling.  
The bastard was enjoying himself, and back then I didn't know why.  
"My Lord, I think Severus would prefer to continue with the ceremony." His voice was soft, yet it compelled all the other Death Eater to release me and look expectantly at their master.  
"Of course, Lucius." The brunette smiled at him softly, knowingly, "Are you ready for the last part of the ritual?"  
"Yes." Feigning a certainty I didn't feel.  
"Then, Severus Snape, extend your left forearm and disrobe it."  
I did what he said taking my own sweet time, like it was nothing to be worried about.  
Once my skin was exposed to his sight he extended his wand.  
" _With this Mark you are one of ours forever. You can not leave us; you can not betray us. We will find you when it is needed. We will be there for you all the time, in your mind and in your body... this is the sacred bond that ties all Death Eaters together_."  
And the green light went directly to my forearm burning my skin. If I wouldn't have been in so much pain surely I would have loved to pay attention to the way the drawing was made. The tingling sensation stayed with me long before it was embedded in me.  
I had screamed, of course, all of us do it. It's inevitable; it's the most agonizing experience someone can have, even more than the cruciatus.  
   
By the time I regained my composure the Lord was rocking me back and forth, like you do with a little baby, telling me that it would pass soon, that it was birth pain...  
"You are my child, now, my Dark Haired Prince... you and Lucius, right and left, faithfulness and betrayal, love and hate, forever mine, both of you"  
He knew. Of course he knew... I couldn't have possibly kept my mind shut, not like I would be able to do later.  
"We have been waiting so much for you to come home. You will be happy here, Severus. And believe me... I promise you, you will have your payback time."  
  
I am very conscious of what every wizard thinks of Voldemort... how can I not be when I helped to create the image myself? Ruthless, arrogant, cruel, vicious, and hateful, traitor of his own men... and he was all those things; but he cared about us too, he helped us, heard us, supported us...   
He wasn't a stupid man and you can't have a loyal army if you are always torturing your generals or killing indiscriminately their families and friends.  
Tom Marvolo Riddle was seen as a madman by some people but they all have to recognize that he was nothing if not brilliant.  
  
Slowly I became aware that we were there alone, not even my lover was near.  
"They are all waiting for you in the other room."  
I fixed my eyes on his, still a little dizzy.  
"Do not worry, Severus... it's celebration time now"  
I smiled with some hardship.  
"Come with me"  
He helped me to get on my two feet, and just then I noticed that we were on the floor.   
  
We walked towards a big room at the left side of the ceremony room, there; all the others were seated around a table where a lot of food was waiting to be eaten. It reminded me a lot to Hogwarts "first day" festivities.  
"Sit down, Prince." Said Voldemort signaling the chair at his left.  
The men and women there looked shocked, except for my blonde partner that looked proud.   
Later I would know that the spot assigned to me had been left vacant all those years after Abraxas, whatever his middle name was, Malfoy's death.  
  
After a moment I could finally concentrate on the others and I notice that I already knew most of them: Bellatrix Black, McNair, Hugo Lestrange, Crabbe, Goyle and Narcissa Black too.  
They all talked a lot about their parents' past experiences as Death Eaters; the Lord told some of his own or completed the ones they had started  
Two hours later was time to go.  
  
Before I was ready to walk away the powerful man come to me, and took me by my chin softly.  
"I would like very much for you to stay here tonight, Severus, but your absence would be too noticeable..."  
I assented even if I didn't believe that Dumbledore would be much worried about me mysteriously disappearing... he hadn't the night of the Shrieking Shack after all.  
You may wonder how can a man that brags about knowing everything that happens in Hogwarts ignore a life or death situation like a werewolf attacking on a student. I always did.  
And what bothers me most is that if I didn't have the amount of dark magic that I posses, today I'd certainly be dead- or worse turned into a werewolf.  
  
  
  
The Blonde Haired Prince came back me with him, and took me to his bedroom.  
That night we were more than just friends, more than allies, more than lovers... it is difficult even now to describe exactly what happened between us, all the feelings and emotions that I experienced in such a little time.  
  
The next morning when I woke up he was still at my side which certainly surprised me, I was so sure that he'd be gone. now that he had gotten everything I thought he wanted. Of course, back then I didn't know Lucius so well.  
"Mmmm... are you awake?" Soft voice, his lips almost touching my ear.  
"Yes." Still.  
"Regrets?"  
"No."   
Just then I realised what my body language was projecting.  
"It's nothing like that, I just want to enjoy this few minutes before we have to get up and you go to your girlfriend." If I had been able to put more hate in that word I certainly would have done it.  
"Why'd I do that? Narcissa is very aware of my nonexistent affection for her; she doesn't expect any of me."  
I turned around and looked directly to his chameleonic eyes.  
"But you will marry her." A little angry.  
"I'll do it, I won't lie to you Severus, but marrying someone and loving them are two very different things." Serious.  
"So, explain to me, how will this work?" I really needed to know in order to plan my next moves.  
"You'll be my lover, my only male lover 'till my wife's death."   
He was trying to compromise, but I wanted, no, needed a little more.  
"Your only lover or you only male lover, Lucius? Don't play games with me, not you. You wanted my faithfulness I want the same."  
"You got your promise, beautiful."  
It was true and it hurt me so deeply that I couldn't stand where I was; I got up, leaving the blonde there in all his glory. I went to the bathroom, trying not to think that I had it coming. How could I forget who I was talking to? The rich heir had been playing this game long before I even started.  
Slowly I got inside the shower and began to wash my body. No hurry at all, I was ready to skip breakfast in order to regain my composure. Because even if the idiotic headmaster, his followers and moron students couldn't tell that something was wrong with me the other Slytherins certainly would. We know each other too well not to; we have to for there is only us to take care of our own.  
  
When I went out, I look at the bed half expecting to find Lucius still there, he wasn't.  
"I should have known better" I was talking to myself! I was really screwed if he reduced me to that just for a stupid argument.  
"You should"  
He was right behind me, but even now I don't know how he did it and he still refuses to tell me that secret.  
"But, then, I love you too much, so I forgive you..." the bastard was mocking me.  
I turned around and put two fingers over his lips.  
"Don't, please."  
He smiled at me sweetly, all the fun gone from his face.  
"Now you regret it."  
"Yes, I can't help it. I promised myself to you but you didn't and now I can't get you to do it."  
"You think that everything I wanted was for you to take the mark right? You think _that_  was my advantage?" He laughed hard. "Please, give me a little more credit, Dark Prince..."  
I was at a loss.  
Of course, that wouldn't be the last time, I was never able to really read the blonde; that is one of the things that keep me interested and attracted to him.   
"If I promise you that you'll be my only lover will you believe me?"  
"I want to."  
"But you won't"  
I assented slowly, he was absolutely right.  
"That's why I won't promise you such a thing. Because when you fill this smart head with suspicion and hatred and try to blame me for your suffering and jealousy I'll be there to remind you that I never told you I'd be faithful, and after some hours of incredible hurt and anger your rational mind will convince you that you are the one who is wrong because _you_ made the vote not me... and we will be together again no hard feelings."  
And let me tell you... he was right to the last word.   
  
But then, I always knew that even if he didn't make the actual promise he was never unfaithful to me not with men and certainly not with women. Of course I found out that years later, when I could analyze not only his actual words but what he meant by them. And because I called a few favors and got him under surveillance for a couple of years.  
He eventually must have known about it, but never told a word 'till the end of the second year.  
We were in bed, recovering, when he looked at me and say:  
"Tomorrow I'll go to the Ministry first, then to Shrouple, that lovely little place remember it? After that probably to do some shopping in London and by noon I will call you to ask how are you doing and if you want to have dinner with me..."   
I watched him closely trying to discern his mood, but he was completely blank so I just began to laugh and swore I'd stop.  
"Good, I like to surprise you and it's a bit difficult when you already know where I'm going or what do I get for you."  
Okay, let's go back; this moment is years away from the one I was telling.  
  
After settling the faithfulness matter we both got down to eat something in the common room, we were alone except for some first year students, which for an unknown reason preferred to stay at Hogwarts during Holidays. If someone had asked me I'd have told that there is none except for being an idiot, but then no one ever did it so I kept silent.  
My lover looked at me knowingly and we both smiled. But I'll never know if he was doing it for what I was thinking or because he knew what I was feeling: _PAYBACK TIME HAD BEGUN._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and suggestions are always welcome  
> The usual disclaimer goes here: Harry Potter and his world belongs to JK Rowling, this humble story however is mine.


End file.
